Even if divorce rates are throught the roof, there is an incredible number of relationships that do last, the only problem being that the people in them often stay for the wrong reasons, and we counted 8.
It’s kind of sad, but a lot of them can be cut down to fear : fear of regretting it later. Because when you’re on the verge of making such an important decision, you have to be assertive and resolute. And many people simply lack the courage.
Also, many studies show that fear or anger can act as a link that will keep two people together. Anger can unite a couple, as crazy as that may sound.
8 wrong reasons to stay in a relationship
So let’s take a look at why couple who no longer love each other or share anything stay together and for what reasons.
Staying together for the wrong reason # 1 : Money
Some couples can’t afford to live apart. It’s terrible, because material comfort can really lock people up in a golden cage. Your lifestyle turns into a trap. And indeed, after a seperation, you’re going to have to be able to support yourself financially : furniture, apartment, divorce fees…
Other couples could afford it but use money as an excuse anyway. They are too used to their comforts and feel it would be a waste of good money.
Staying together for money is not a smart decision. Frustrations will pile up and the one earning the most money will be hated by the other and considered like a jailer.
wrong reasons to stay in a relationship# 2 : Change
When you break up, a lot of things change. Apartment, rhythme, social status… It’s even worse if you have kids (as we will later see).
Change is scary. Nobody likes this kind of life event. Especially after being together for a long time. After having been married for 30 years, a divorce is just too painful. Imagining having to start a new life at 50, 60 or 70 is simply unbearable. And so you stay together.
It’s terrible because you can see couples literally imploding and yet staying together for fear of starting over. Our opinion is that you’re never too old and that life is full of surprises!
Staying together for the wrong reason # 3 : Kids
Two things. First, you don’t have kids but you’re at an age where you could have some. Your biological clock is ticking and you believe that if you leave him and go through all the trouble of finding someone else, you’re going to waste even more time before having a baby. First of all, good news : women who have babies after 30 live longer. But most importantly, ask yourself : do you really want to have kids with a guy you can’t even get along with? A child is not a remedy. A baby will not make things better. On the contrary, you risk raising your kids in the midst of toxic parent-to-parent tensions.
Other possibility : you have kids and you don’t want them to lose their balance. Staying together because you have kids is not the way to go. In truth, being present when you fight will turn their lives into a nightmare. And, even without any fighting, they will feel the tension in their home, and that never helped anybody grow up in a healthy way!
Children need their parents to be happy and fulfilled. If you don’t feel good in your couple, they won’t either.
wrong reasons to stay in a relationship #4 : Fear of not finding better
One of the worst reasons for staying together! You’ve been in a couple for a long time, you know him by heart and of course you know his bad sides too. And you can’t stand them anymore. However, when the time comes for you to make a decision about breaking up, you start thinking that maybe, after all, he’s not that bad. And would you find anyone better anyway? You’re not twenty anymore, you can’t just start again from scratch…
MISTAKE! For one thing, because of you, your partner can’t hope for a new life either when maybe that would be best for him as well. Also, there’s a wise saying that goes : “Thank your ex, for he showed you that you deserved better”. Remember that you rarely leave someone who makes you unhappy, and end up in a worse situation! That’s not how it works!
Staying together for the wrong reason #5 : Fear of what other people think
Yes, the infamous social pressure on celibacy! You aren’t happy within your couple but then again, everybody knows your partner. Your friends, your family, your colleagues… And you are truly scared of having to face this social pressure.
You don’t want to be pitied, you don’t want to answer 1,000 questions : “Reeeeaaallllyyy? But you and Podrick were so great together, that’s too bad!” And you don’t want to hear what everybody thought but never told you because you were together.
Word of advice : ignore what other people think! They like to talk about other people’s problems because that way they don’t have to address their own. If truth be told, they might even be secretly jealous of you for having the courage to take such a decision when many of them would have chickened out!
Staying together for the wrong reason #6 : Guilt
This reason reminds me of that wonderful novel by Kundera : “The Unbearable Lightness of Being”. In it, Franz stays with Marie-Claude for 20 years because she made a suicide threat once before when he wanted to leave her. Emotional blackmail is one of the big reasons why some couples are still together.
What a horrible reason that is! Nothing is more selfish than emotional blackmail. Don’t stay with someone because you’re afraid of hurting him! That would be like charity. And charity is not love! Is pity a valid enough reason to stay with someone? I think it’s the worst reason.
wrong reasons to stay in a relationship #7 : Sharing friends and relatives
You’ve been together for years and years and, obviously, you built everything together. And so you share the same friends and are very close to each other’s families. That makes you afraid, if you break up, of losing your bearings.
If you go through a healthy breakup and manage to stay on speaking terms, have no worries! You can even stay in touch with your ex partner’s family members if the bonds were strong. Regarding friends, if you lose some in the breakup, well, I can only say this : they weren’t friends.
Staying together for the wrong reason #8 : Fear of solitude
Another great reason that keeps a lot of people together. Fear of being alone is more often found in women than in men.
You don’t love him anymore but the idea of living alone paralizes you. That means you are emotionally dependent. You have built everything around your couple and by doing so, you have forgotten to build a life of your very own!
Well maybe it’s time you learn to know yourself as an individual, and not only as part of an item!
