I know that getting rid of a manipulative narcissist boyfriend isn’t easy : the victim has a hard time pulling away because she has become a prisoner in the relationship and the narcissist pervert presents himself as completely innocent, all the while accusing his victim of being crazy or insane. So : How to get rid of a narcissist boyfriend ?
You must first understand how this emotional vampire proceeds to better control the breakup.
Recognize his manipulation process
Step 1 : He spots your weaknesses
He listens to you closely when you tell him about the depression you just got out of and about which you feel the scars aren’t fully healed. He listens when you tell him your ex ran off with one of your friends or that you’re not on speaking terms with your parents anymore. You have his ear when you unconsciously belittle yourself : “I’m such a scatterbrain” ; “I scared of not finding a job”… And of course he values your relatives’ opinions : “OOhh Jennifer you spend too much/ You don’t know how to match your clothes/ You’ve put on some weight/ You have no self-confidence, get a grip” BLA BLA BLA. It doesn’t fall on deaf ears! This so-called Prince Charming keeps all of this in a drawer in his head and will open it when it will serve his interests best.
Step 2 : He idealizes you (he fakes it, anyway)
Aware of your weaknesses and especially of your (big) lack of self-esteem, he will get you used to a certain dose of compliments and seductive smiles and you will totally fall for it. He will endlessly repeat how pretty, beautiful, kind, irresistible (or anything else) you are. You quickly become addicted to the flow of compliments in the same way you get used to smocking. You simply can’t get enough of him and of his kind words, or of the little things he does like when he puts an “I love you” note on the fridge. You finally get the feeling that someone appreciates you for who you really are and that someone loves you in a world full of hate. In reality though, it’s the exact opposite. But the narcissist pervert is being careful that you remain unaware of it.
Step 3 : He gets you to trust him
He keeps on flattering you, says “I love you”, talks about the wonderful future full of you and him and the love you bear each other. And his oversweet words feel nice, he sure knows how to use them. And you walk into the trap. The worst part is : why wouldn’t you?
Step 4 : He destroyes you (slowly)
You’ve been marinating long enough, time to stick you in the oven : the time for destruction has come. But it’s a slow and discreet destruction, you don’t notice right away what’s going on in your partner’s brain. He will start with one or two small criticisms about your extraordinary personality. He will take into account all the things he’s heard about you (rumors/ flaws), take them straight out of your relatives’ mouths, who had no idea of the future consequences. But, blinded by love as you are, you admire him for his clairvoyance about you and your personality. “Yes, he’s so right, I’m so stupid sometimes, I should do something to train my mind”/ “It’s true that I’ve gained weight, I had never noticed all that midsection fat, I’m lucky he’s here”.
Read also : 10 sentences used by narcissists
Step 5 : He makes you his puppet
The logical sequel to the first four steps. You now trust him, consider his words to be made of gold and follow his so-called advice as if your life depends on it. In any case, if you didn’t, he would put his finger where it hurts most : “You’re so selfish! To think I was still wondering why your ex had dumped you like a piece of trash. I can see it now!”. Thinking that you’ve disappointed him, you go out of your way to tend to his every need.
The narcissist pervert acts step by step so as not to spook the other. These steps can be more or less spread apart through time to prevent you from becoming aware of it.
Getting rid of this toxic relationship
Learn to love yourself again
Start by taking care of yourself, whatever your vicious partner may say. Do your hair, use every product in your bathroom, slip into a pretty dress… Learn to set his opinion aside, and try to listen to YOURSELF and not HIM.
Reconnect with those around you
Your relatives are those you know the best and they are the only ones who can give you the amount of love you need to repair the damage that the narcissist vampire has done. Because love is something you’re going to need, a lot of it, to regain your self-esteem.
Say goodbye to your partner
Trying at all cost to change the other, to clean up a toxic relationship you’ve fallen victim to is useless. Even if you’re addicted, obsessed with him, scared of his reactions (which is justified), it’s for your own “survival”. Yes, he will threaten to kill himself, to destroy you (though he’s done that already), to murder your cat or to harass your parents. A narcissist pervert yells and goes literally insane when he doesn’t perfectly control the situation anymore. What’s happening is out of his grasp and he can’t stand that. So he puts an appalling amount of pressure on you. You must stand your ground. And honestly, how can you still be thinking that your relationship is worth it? He has insulted you, told you he would hurt you or your parents, that he would hang himself. No, the right thing to do is to escape from this devil’s claws, don’t be a masochist!
Take some time to rest
After any breakup, we tend to be worn out. We cry all the time, life makes no sens anymore, we wonder if we will ever be able to trust anyone else with our heart. Moreover, it can put all of your certainties into perspective, seeing as your ex convinced you that you were nothing without him. So get some rest, eat, cry, evacuate!
Allow yourself to dream again
With him, you had abandoned all your dreams and also your other activities that allowed you to blow off some steam! Try community theater, exercising, yoga, cooking, set new goals for yourself. No, you are not a worthless bitch, it’s just a lie he has put into your head. Write down on a sheet of paper everything that could make you happy, or at least bring you a minimum of pleasure. Then do everything you can to make them come true. And especially, and I can’t stress that enough, don’t forget to see other people, to talk and to evacuate!
