I feel like you don’t love me anymore : A sad and beautiful letter

Here is a sad and beautiful letter we called “I feel like you don’t love me anymore”. Sad and beautiful…

I feel like you don’t love me anymore : A sad and beautiful letter

Xxxxx,
 
I would have enjoyed starting my letter with the famous “once upon a time” line from the fairy tales. Our story unfortunately isn’t one. If I have decided to write to you today, it’s because I don’t know how to handle your behavior. I feel lost. I’ve often heard that Love was the most beautiful feeling and yet it has only brought me pain and frustration so far. Today I feel empty, exhausted from running after you like a child after his favorite balloon. 

We have been together for five years.

Five years laced with breakups and endless fights. You have always known how to make me suffer, and I have always known how to be submissive. Love can make me so stupid sometimes. Even when taking a step back, I can’t understand why I always fall back in your arms, why I miss your presence when you are far away, why I need you even though you bring me nothing even remotely positive. I’ve even been blind to the number of times we broke up. When it doesn’t work between two people once, it’s no use giving it another go. But we have chosen to do things differently. And every time, I have wanted to believe, and I want to believe still. I hope for a change, a new deal, a love simple and sincere like the one we used to have. And I crash head on into a wall and my heart gets squeezed like an orange, leaving nothing but an empty organ. Every time. 

If only you knew how painful it is to love and not be loved in return.

To give everything to someone who just doesn’t care. Our son will soon celebrate his first birthday. And you don’t care about him either. Think about him, he needs his father to be there and to give him his love. Why are you so selfish? What have we done to deserve the harm you inflict upon us? For the last three months, our fights have intensified and more and more blame has been thrown around. You think I’m too jealous? Let me tell you that I have reasons to be. When you’ve been fooled several times, you at least don’t want it happening before your very eyes. I’m sick of being passive and submissive, in the shadow of your assertiveness. I don’t live anymore, I survive. You know, I can’t help thinking over and over again about my birthday, when you didn’t even dignify me with a visit, leaving me in tears in the street with my son, who could probably understand nothing of the situation. I can’t stand being that woman anymore. 

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I love you.

I have no reason to feel that way but I love you, truly. And I hate myself for loving a man like you. If I write to you today, it’s also to tell you that as painful as it is, I am ready to leave and to move on. To live in the present with my son and to rebuild myself in order to provide him with what he needs. Which is balance and love. Not emotional blackmail. I have reached a point where holding on to an invisible thread has become ridiculous, I have no time to lose with someone who doesn’t love me anymore. So either you change for good, or you lose it all. Think about the situation carefully, my life would be better without all these problems. But deep down, I hope you will be able to hear these words and to allow our daily lives to improve. For you, for me and for our son. 
 
With a kiss you don’t deserve.